Remember in middle school when someone wanted to get the students' attention in assembly, invariably for a mundane announcement, and to do so, they would shout out something obscene?

Well, it's already been reported that the scofflaw who crashed the Saratoga High School's graduation dressed as -- yup -- a giant penis, was sentenced to community service and public apology for his disorderly conduct violation, but I thought I would elaborate on The Saratogian's role in the case.

Judge Doern's decision in the case specifies that the man-turned-phallus will complete 24 hours of community service, and write a letter of apology to the principal, the students, and the community, to be submitted as a letter to The Saratogian. Of course, we would love to publish such a letter (or so says our editor), if for no reason other than to see exactly how this gentleman goes about apologizing for what was really just supposed to be a joke.

In other news, it turns out that Calvin Morrett represented himself in court proceedings. That's one smart dick!

In other news, I hope that everyone has had a chance to check out our new-and-improved website. Page load time is noticeably faster, we now have web polls, the ability to embed videos into stories, and other cool stuff. The most important feature, obviously, is that it doesn't take 30 minutes to load each page. I've been enjoying this feature, I hope you do too!

I will be back to post tomorrow, but I will be off on Sunday, once again.